(originally published elsewhere) After they picked him 38th in the 2011 draft, the Houston Rockets signed second-round pick Chandler Parsons to a four year contract, one that paid slightly but not significantly above the minimum salary. Giving three year contracts to early second-round picks, or late second-round picks that you really like, or undrafted players you really thought were going to be second-round picks and are happy to get a chance at signing, is a trend that developed some years ago and continues to this day. It requires either cap space or a chunk of the mid-level exception to do it – the Minimum Salary Exception, the device which allows teams over the salary cap to sign players to the minimum salary, or trade for those who already are, is limited to two years in length. Nevertheless, teams quite regularly do this so as to lock up potential young pieces for three years, partly to give them ample opportunity to develop and partly to gain full Bird rights in preparation for any future contract. Four year minimum salary contracts, or four year near-minimum salary contracts, are a logical extension of that. It, too, is not especially new – Bill Walker and the undrafted Quinton Ross come to mind as two players to have received this treatment prior to Parsons, and they certainly were not the only two. Lance Stephenson did so the year before Parsons, and his four year deal expires this summer, as the Pacers are all too aware of. Parsons’s contract contains a slight difference to those others mentioned. Specifically, the final year of Parsons’s contract (2014/15) is both subject to a team option and an unguaranteed portion. This, too, is not unique – Gustavo Ayon was in the same situation last summer, Jamario Moon a better known recipient a few years ago, and […]
(originally published elsehwere) Last month, the Knicks signed Phil Jackson to a $60 million, five year contract to become their team president, chief roster builder, figurehead and mainstay. This week, Jackson was fined $25,000 this week for ‘tampering’ Derek Fisher. Fisher is still under contract to the Thunder until the end of the month, and while the media are deciding which team he is going to join after this season, and whether it will be in a front office or coaching role, Fisher is still a contracted player. For a member of another team to talk about or at least infer the possibility of luring him to their team, then, is tampering. Tampering is a not particularly well understood piece of terminology in NBA parlance, at least to outsiders. It is in its basic form the act of a representative of one team coercing a contracted member of another to join their team without the permission of the contracted party’s current team. Tampering happens rather a lot, but tampering punishments do not, because tampering is pretty much impossible to prove. Jackson was punished quite easily, because his comments were made in public on tape in front of dozens of viewers. But Jackson was not punished very severely. $25,000 seems like a lot of money. $25,000 is enough to live on for a year anywhere in the world. $25,000 is about 2,500 times more than what I would get if I sold all my worldly possessions on eBay, even in their original packaging. $25,000 is almost enough for a brand new Kia Sportage, with its nuanced compromise between body control, handling response and ride comfort. But $25,000 is not a lot when you are on a $60 million contract, earning $12 million a year. Even if this $12 million is halved for tax, $25,000 represents […]
(originally published elsewhere) Cleveland committed their future to Kyrie Irving. They picked him first overall, gave him all the reins, and gave him all the plaudits. And yet now there are reports that they do not want to give him a maximum contract extension. Whether or not Irving is worth the maximum salary is not really relevant here. The point is loyalty, and, more importantly, the perception of loyalty. It is not automatically disloyal to offer less than the maximum salary in an extension to a player you (rightly) do not feel is worth it, but to the player and his powerful agent, it is perceived as so. Anything less than undivided love is insufficient love, because the assumption – fuelled by perception – is that undivided love is available elsewhere. If you show anything less than undivided love, you do not show sufficient loyalty. And NBA players are driven by loyalty. Offer them less than the maximum and they will point to all those beforehand in comparable situations who received it. Blake Griffin, for one, or fellow point guards Derrick Rose and John Wall (particularly Wall, who had a long way to go at the time he received his deal, moreso than Rose). It matters not if they are not worth the maximum – the assumption was always that they were going to get it, especially after picking him first overall, openly stating he is the future and the foundation, and when given that they are one of the few bright spots for the franchise in the last three moribund seasons. The fact that the last three years have been poor is partly Irving’s fault, of course, but that is not how this particular process works. It could, then, be a situation headed for a messy divorce. Especially if […]
The NBA has long fought for financial parity, and never more so than in the 2011 Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiations. Complete financial parity is not realistically possible due to socio-economic factors outside of their control, yet the NBA strives to level the internal playing field as much as it can be leveled. They are proud to point out, as Commissioner Adam Silver just did, that the four Conference Finalist teams this season are amongst four of the smallest markets in the league. It is a measure of their success in being able to take 30 uneven markets and provide equal opportunity for everyone, the ultimate goal to create 30 franchises with relatively even competitiveness and value. This is not the same as financial fair play regulations in soccer, where attempts to tie spending power to earning power create a situation whereby only the biggest earners ever have a chance at the titles – this is an attempt to instead level out earning power, by making the excesses of one team cover the shortfalls of another. Such financial parity is attempted by controlling the amount a team can spend on its player payroll via the salary cap, luxury tax, escrow system, and all the various mechanisms set forth in the CBA. The 2011 version brought in more punitive tax penalties for the highest of high spenders and took further steps to save teams from their own franchise-handicapping mistakes. The former of these is more pertinent to a discussion of financial parity – the soon-to-be-invoked repeater tax and stiffer annual tax payments make spending over the odds on player payroll an ever more expensive task, with all those at the lower end of the payroll spectrum getting a cut of their overzealousness. Essentially, teams can’t now overpay on players so freely. If they do, […]
There is a massive hypocrisy in this post, I admit. It is one that cannot be avoided, but which hopefully does not obscure the point. Last night, at the NBA Draft Lottery, the Milwaukee Bucks’ representative was a young girl named Mallory Edens, the daughter of their new owner, Wesley Edens. Mallory – and to a slightly lesser extent, the Sacramento Kings’ representative Anjali Ranadive, daughter of new owner Vivek – became a topic of conversation because everyone thought she was attractive. This post is born out of frustration at that conversation. Put simply, it needn’t be a conversation. Said conversation has taken place across all strands of internet media. Twitter, of course, was ablaze, especially so for Edens, who has an active Twitter account that was easy enough to find based on her fairly rare name. Yet more pertinently for this post, the vast majority of blogs felt obliged to say something about it the morning after. Edens was a ‘hot topic’ in the NBA, and blogs are obliged to comment on hot topics, because no one can be left behind. A friend of mine who ran one such blog post on a well known market leading blog did so while confessing in private that he had absolutely no desire to do so, but because he felt he had an obligation to. This process needs to end. This process is messed up. People not comfortable with posting uncomfortable things that are making people uncomfortable are feeling obliged to do so anyway because the rat race demands it. And the cycle perpetuates. Not everyone is uncomfortable, of course. Some people were genuinely trying to pay forward good vibes, well wishes and compliments. It’s a weird thing to do to a stranger, and extremely hard to nuance via such an anonymous, emotionless medium, yet […]
(originally published elsewhere) In a post written last month, one armed unashamedly with the benefit of four years of hindsight, I looked back at the decision of one time Oklahoma guard Tommy Mason-Griffin to leave school, declare for the NBA draft and turn professional after only one collegiate season, a poor season that had been mired by underwhelming play and much tumult within the program. In the four seasons hence, Mason-Griffin has missed more than two full campaigns due to injury, yet he has been under contract and thus been paid for his time nonetheless, something which would not have happened had he stayed in college and given his services away for free. The idea of the piece was in part to repudiate the conventional line of thinking, whereby a player’s decision to leave school early and/or declare for the NBA draft is to be evaluated entirely upon their likelehood of being drafted. Mason-Griffin served as a useful barometer for that – he never made the NBA, never came close, and surely never will, yet his decision can be justified on account of what it meant for his earning potential, one the injuries have crippled. Another player who can serve as an example of this is now upon us in the goliath form of New Mexico State centre, Sim Bhullar. Bhullar has declared for the draft after a sophomore season in which he averaged 10.4 points, 7.8 rebounds and 3.4 blocks in 26.3 minutes per game. It is widely and entirely correctly held that, despite his size and relative productivity, he is not ready for the NBA. Yet he has declared anyway, as, once again, there is professional basketball life outside of the NBA from which he can earn. And he will earn, because of his remarkable qualities. Bhullar, famously, […]
Here’s a list of everything I have written this season, whereby a year is defined as July 1st – June 30th, the same definition the NBA uses. (An article from June 2013 is also included for the hell of it.) Having written for many different websites with varying levels of efficiency with regards to archiving, I thought it best to chronicle them all in one place. The articles are loosely categorised, but most if not all pieces could actually fit into multiple categories, so the definitions are slightly arbitrary. This post will be updated between the date of publication and 30th June 2014. Not listed in any particular order, not even by date, except where obviously so. It is perhaps worthy of mention that, with the exception of the ShamSports pieces, I didn’t write any of the titles. Salary cap rules related Why Cleveland’s Scotty Hopson signing doesn’t make much sense (The Score, 1st April 2014; detailing a mistake by the Cavaliers) Why the Pelicans signed Ely and how they learned from the Cavs (The Score, 15th April 2014; something of a follow-up to the above, showing how it could have been done) Bobcats gain much-needed outside shooting, Bucks do something (SB Nation, 21st February 2014) Why the Rockets waived Greg Smith to sign Dexter Pittman (The Score, 11th April 2014) Why don’t NBA teams make more preseason trades? (The Score, 17th September 2013) Why Al-Farouq Aminu can veto a trade, but LeBron James can’t (The Score, 10th September 2013) Why the L.A. Clippers are unnecessarily paying the luxury tax (SB Nation, 21st February 2014) How the Grizzlies wiggled under the luxury tax (The Score, 17th April 2014) Omer Asik and Jeremy Lin’s contract situations (ShamSports, 8th July 2013) 2013/14 Luxury Tax Payers, as it stands at 11.52am GMT on […]
[Originally posted on Hoopsworld, 5th November 2013.] In February 2010, NBA commissioner David Stern spoke ominously of the league’s forecasted $400 million loss that financial year, as well as hundreds of millions more in losses over the previous few seasons. His words were one of the earliest warnings of an impending lockout, a threat that became a reality 16 months later. Financial inequalities and a broken system supposedly saw 22 out of the 30 NBA franchises losing money, and something had to be done to install some parity. Three months after Stern spoke, the NBA ratified the sale of the New Jersey Nets to Mikhail Prokhorov. Parity, it is said, is supposed to level the playing field between the large- and small-market teams. The reality of this market inequality is an unavoidable one, founded in socioeconomic factors far outside of the NBA’s control. It is what it is. The NBA’s self-imposed duty is to level the playing field within its control as much as possible. They do this in various ways. The draft, of course, is one – parity is not just financial remuneration, but also the opportunity for all teams to compete on the court. There is also, as of the new CBA, a new revenue sharing system ostensibly designed to make big brother pay for little brother, a significant development in the NBA’s hitherto limited revenue sharing history. And there’s the concept’s most public weapon – the luxury tax. Since its inception in 2001, $923 million has been spent in luxury tax by 24 franchises. Of that $923 million, some $568 million has been spent by only four of those franchises – the Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, Portland Trail Blazers and Los Angeles Lakers. That is one seventh of the teams spending three fifths of the money, […]
[Originally posted on Hoopsworld, 29th October 2013.] The vast majority of players signed for training camp are signed to contracts without any guaranteed compensation on them. This, certainly, is no surprise, as it has long been known that most players signed for training camp are not expected to make the team. A few players have fairly nominal guaranteed portions – for example, Dee Bost received $50,000 from Portland, Dewayne Dedmon $25,000 from Golden State, and Trent Lockett $35,000 from Sacramento. Most, however, do not. Teams are not involved in bidding wars for the Trey McKinney-Jones and Carlos Morais types, and thus there is no incentive to give any guaranteed money away. Not all unguaranteed contracts are the same, however. Some utilize a contract provision called Exhibit 9. Unless you’re an agent, it is a little known device of potentially huge importance. Exhibit 9 of the Uniform Player Contract is applicable only to those summer contracts fully unguaranteed and for only one season in length. Its purpose is to reduce a team’s liability in event of injury to a player it intended to sign only for training camp. It states thusly: if the player is injured as a direct result of playing for the team and, accordingly, would have been entitled but for this Exhibit 9 to compensation, the team’s sole liability shall be to pay the Player $6,000 upon termination of the Player’s Contract. The operator ‘sole liability’ is vital here. Without an Exhibit 9, the Uniform Player Contract normally calls for teams to pay any ‘reasonable hospitalization and medical expenses’ for players injured whilst directly participating in team activity, whilst also guaranteeing the payment of their compensation, however unguaranteed it was, until such time as they are fit to return to play, up to a maximum of the end […]
[Originally posted on Hoopsworld, 15th October 2013.] Unguaranteed or partially guaranteed final seasons are quite the trend nowadays in the NBA, and they have these days almost completely superceded team options. In fact, excluding rookie scale contracts, there are only eight team options in the entire league, belonging to Chauncey Billups, Darius Morris, Timofey Mozgov, Marreese Speights, Carrick Felix, Chandler Parsons, Jae Crowder and Rodney Williams. All other contracts referred to in the press as ‘team options’ are, in fact, unguaranteed salaries. There are very few instances in which contracts must be guaranteed. In fact, there are only two; the first year of a signed-and-traded contract, and the first two years of a rookie scale contract (which must be guaranteed for a minimum of 80 percent of the scale amount). Nothing else has to be guaranteed. It is self evident why so many contracts are nonetheless fully guaranteed – players want that, and teams want players to want them. Yet the unguaranteed contract fad has its basis in logic. Essentially, unguaranteed contracts function much like team options do. However, there are some significant advantages to doing it in this way, which is why it happens. The differences: 1) Non-rookie scale team options have to be decided upon by the final day of the previous season. Seasons change over on July 1st, and thus team options must be decided on or before June 30th. This is not the case with unguaranteed contracts, which either have guarantee dates that can be negotiated to different dates, or which have no guarantee date at all. A lot of unguaranteed contracts have some guaranteed money, becoming fully guaranteed upon a certain date, or no guaranteed money at all becoming slowly guaranteed upon several dates; for players earning the minimum salary it is often the latter, […]
[Originally posted on Hoopsworld, 7th October 2013.] The most fun part of preseason is being able to get wildly carried away with the results and performances in the mostly meaningless games. This is particularly true of the performances of individual players who simply were not expected to shine, but did. Two such players have already shown their faces, in Houston’s Omri Casspi and the L.A. Lakers’s Xavier Henry. Casspi shot 9-10 for 20 points on his debut, whilst Henry topped that with 29 in his, an impressive amount for a player whose career high to this point is only 19. Whilst this level of production is obviously not sustainable, Casspi and Henry are set to earn only the minimum salary next season. Casspi’s is fully guaranteed, but Henry’s isn’t even guaranteed for one single dollar. These two players, then, have shown they could potentially be valuable contributors for as good of as value as is possible. Casspi has struggled since his rookie season when he showed true promise as a free roaming off-the-ball offensive player, but who started to succumb to similarly free roaming tendencies defensively. Henry, meanwhile, was nothing short of poor in his first three seasons, struggling badly to make a shot from any portion of the court, not being able to create any, and not being consistent with his potentially good defence. There’s a reason these players were available for so cheap – they weren’t working out, and multiple teams had given up on them ever doing so. However, this doesn’t mean the players are, or suddenly became, talentless. Casspi and Henry were first-round picks as recently as four and three years ago, respectively, and are 25 and 22 years old. There is still some talent in the fire. Someone just needs to throw a log on […]
[Originally published on Hoopsworld, 30th September 2013.] The new Collective Bargaining Agreement is designed to save teams from themselves, and make reckless spending far harder to do. It works – most free agency contracts are now, frankly, well priced. But not all of them. After taking a look at the best contracts of the offseason last week, here, in no particular order, are ten of the worst ones from this past offseason: Al Jefferson – Charlotte Bobcats The harsh but undeniable reality is that the Bobcats, regardless of the presence of Michael Jordan, have to pay over the odds on the free agent market to compensate for their franchise’s position. They’ve done that with Al Jefferson, paying him three years and $40.5 million, including a player option in the third year. That player option makes Jefferson extremely difficult to trade until the summer of 2015. And while they haven’t necessarily signed him to trade him, a team with such little foundation as Charlotte must position themselves to permit that as soon as possible. They haven’t. Instead, they’ve paid Jefferson to be the cornerstone of the team for at least the first two years of the deal, which he simply isn’t. Jefferson, a poor defender, is also an inefficient volume scorer who contributes on only one end and leads on neither. It looks like a strong commitment to the present, just as Jefferson looks like he is a centerpiece to his team. But appearances can be deceptive. Josh Smith – Detroit Pistons As with most of the players on this list, it is not necessarily the price paid so much as it is the purposelessness of paying it. Detroit, like Charlotte, has to pay an invisible tax (manifested through inflated contracts) to attract free agents. This is a reality that has […]
[Originally published on Hoopsworld, 23rd September 2013.] The new Collective Bargaining Agreement is designed to save teams from themselves, and make reckless spending far harder to do. It works – most free agency contracts are now, frankly, well priced. Here, in no particular order, are ten of the best ones from this past offseason: Paul Millsap – Atlanta Hawks Millsap signed with Atlanta for two years at $9.5 million per year, a significant chunk of cap space for a team who have worked so diligently to cut as much payroll as possible. Reversing the direction of the franchise is initially tough to reconcile, yet it is worth it because of how good of value his deal represents. Millsap is signed to an amount comparable to his talent, for a short period of time. His deal only being two years long is of big help to the Hawks, both on their court and potentially on other teams. He provides Atlanta with the talent boost that will keep them out of the cellar – if you want bums on seats, you need that – while this contract makes him extremely tradeable. Millsap is a valued commodity around the league as a quality, versatile, two-way role player, and by getting him at the right price, Atlanta put themselves in a position to take advantage of that. And as long as they do, he’ll help them significantly as a player. Even rebuilding teams need that. Matt Barnes & Darren Collison – Los Angeles Clippers The two are listed together as they were both acquired via the non-taxpayer mid-level exception. On his first substantial multi-year contract, Barnes will earn $3.25 million next year with one further guaranteed year, while Collison gets the remaining $1.9 million. Collison comes from Dallas where he was somewhat exposed as […]
(originally published elsewhere) Three weeks ago, a story came out that the New York Knicks were determined to land Steve Kerr as their next head coach. Despite Kerr having no coaching experience of any kind at any level, it appears he is the white hot candidate for the vacancy – so eager are the Knicks in their pursuit that the story broke even before they had a vacancy, having not then announced the future of the incumbent lame duck coach, Mike Woodson. Two weeks ago, it was reported that the Knicks were accelerating their pursuit of Kerr, trying to tie him up before the first round of the playoffs were over in anticipation of other vacancies becoming available later on. Last week, the Lakers parted company with former Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni. And this week, the Warriors fired former Knicks point guard Mark Jackson. In his time with the Lakers, nothing went right for Mike. In the best part of two years with the team, D’Antoni went 67-87 on a team that, the summer before he was hired, was thought to have a two year title window. The team were rolled out of the playoffs easily in 2012-13, swept aside by a Spurs team that made a laughing stock of the one time rivalry, and worse came with this season’s 27-55 record, the second lowest winning percentage in franchise history. On paper, that is a terrible return. In reality, however, there was not much he could do. D’Antoni came to a team that was supposed to have four Hall of Famers, and had the very same point guard he had himself once used to revolutionise the game. Steve Nash. But Nash was old, and Nash got hurt, recording only 50 appearances last season and 15 in this. Nash was supposed […]
If your NBA team drafts a player, and yet never signs him, the chances are that they’ll still own his draft rights. The presence of those draft rights means that that player can sign only with the right-holding NBA team, and not with any others. Such draft rights can also be traded, either to a recipient team who values the player and thus gives something of value for them, or as arbitrary filler obliging the NBA’s rule that all partners in a trade must trade something outbound, however menial. In theory, there exists multiple uses for these draft rights, both as players and trade pieces. In practice, however, they are often of no use whatsoever. They exist as technicalities, for use in trades or for no use at all. Unless you actually want the player concerned, of course. The chances of that being the case are what this post seeks to document. If only it was something we could bet on. In fact, sportsbooks around the nation too watch these developments closely. It impacts the NBA Betting odds for the teams at play, not so much from a game to game perspective but in regards to a team’s chances come playoff time. This is something of an update to the previous such list, now three years old and in need of sprucing up. A quick check of that link will find much more detail about the player’s career to date than this one will contain – such is the needs of the update format. Additionally, a breakdown of the usage of these rights in trades can be found here, a link which also contains a much shorter-handed version of this list). The update of the whereabouts of the players concerned follows this picture of Kevin Garnett. Atlanta Alain Digbeu (50th […]
If nothing else, we all learned something here.
We are only part way through the first round, but it is proving to be quite the round.
The Bulls’ defense does not rely on Noah. But their offense does.
Steeve Ho You Fat! Yay Steeve! Thank you all for playing. There will indeed be another competition: 84 names are already being parsed for the 64 spots available, and should more be found, an NIT may even be possible. Well, unless it’s overkill. And now back to basketball operations matters.
[Previously: First round, second round, sweet sixteen, second round, elite eight, final four.] This is it, the final showdown. After a long, fiercely competitive, hit-count friendly month of titanic struggle and mesmering battle, we have eliminated 62 competitors in the first annual Ridiculous Basketball Player Names competition, and are down to the final pair. So established already are their names in basketball player folklore that it is beyond tricky to think of a single fresh and funny thing to say about them. And thus we need only provide their stories so far. (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims First round: Won 359-40 v (16) Indiana Faithfull Second round: Won 125-39 v (8) God’sgift Achiuwa Sweet Sixteen: Won 85-37 v (5) Solomon HorseChief Elite Eight: Won 40-34 v (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse Final Four: Won 38-24 v (1) Gang Wang (1) Steeve Ho You Fat First round: Won 289-51 v (16) Jose Antonio Alcoholado Second round: Won 121-32 v (8) Gregor Fucka Sweet Sixteen: Won 83-22 v (5) Lior Lipshits Elite Eight: Won 50-20 v (10) Stanley Titsworth Final Four: Won 39-28 v (10) Scientific Mapp We have made no effort to reach out to either player, and thus neither has any comment. Vote now. You have until the end of the actual national championship game. Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Steeve Ho You Fat?
[Previously: First round, second round, sweet sixteen, second round, elite eight.] 60 down, four to go. (Click here for full size version) As always, these names are completely genuine. If you don’t believe it, Google it. (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (1) Gang Wang Journeys so far: (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims First round: Won 359-40 v (16) Indiana Faithfull Second round: Won 125-39 v (8) God’sgift Achiuwa Sweet Sixteen: Won 85-37 v (5) Solomon HorseChief Elite Eight: Won 40-34 v (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse The previously unassailable Chief finally hit trouble in the form of Nurse. He won anyway, but the pre-tournament favourite is fallible. (1) Gang Wang First round: Won 237-59 v (16) Storm Clonch Second round: Won 104-41 v (8) Hunter Dick Sweet Sixteen: Won 59-39 v (5) Chubby Cox Elite Eight: Won 38-31 v (2) Ebenezer Noonoo Odd thing is, it’s not that uncommon of a name. Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Gang Wang? (1) Steeve Ho You Fat v (10) Scientific Mapp Journeys so far: (1) Steeve Ho You Fat First round: Won 289-51 v (16) Jose Antonio Alcoholado Second round: Won 121-32 v (8) Gregor Fucka Sweet Sixteen: Won 83-22 v (5) Lior Lipshits Elite Eight: Won 50-20 v (10) Stanley Titsworth Doubts as to the legitimacy of Steeve’s name continue to come in, despite him being a professional player in France for many years. Maybe this assuages it some. (10) Scientific Mapp First round: Won 178-134 v (7) God Shammgod Second round: Won 107-37 v (2) B.J. Banjo Sweet Sixteen: Won 65-35 v (3) Spongy Benjamin Elite Eight: Won 55-17 v (1) Just-in-Love Smith As the bracket’s creator, I take some pride in having had three number one seeds make the final four. That shows, I hope, a reasonable level of perception as to what […]
[Previously: First round, second round, sweet sixteen.] Due to an administrative error whereby I accidentally set the Sweet Sixteen polls to run for a week longer than they were supposed to, the 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Tournament is still going on, having lost all its previous momentum. Nevertheless, we are down to the Elite Eight. Here are the matchups! (Click here for full size version) As always, these names are completely genuine. If you don’t believe it, Google it. THE “WHAT THE HELL?” REGIONAL (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse Journeys so far: (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims First round: Won 359-40 v (16) Indiana Faithfull Second round: Won 125-39 v (8) God’sgift Achiuwa Sweet Sixteen: Won 85-37 v (5) Solomon HorseChief The Chief has not even flinched in his run to the Elite Eight thus far, not even batting an eyelid in the expected-classic Chief v HorseChief Sweet Sixteen matchup he ultimately won comfortably. This is a shame for Solomon HorseChief fans everywhere, including myself, and frankly I’m starting to wish I had fixed it. (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse First round: Won 257-83 v (14) Drake U’u Second round: Won 118-33 v (6) D’Awvalo Turnipseed Sweet Sixteen: Won 77-39 v (7) Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje Boumtje-Boumtje was something of a people’s favourite, yet he was no match for TDN, one of three remaining non-US competitors. Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Typhoon Dusk Nurse? THE “SURNAMES THAT HAD NO CHANCE AT LIFE” REGIONAL (1) Steeve Ho You Fat v (10) Stanley Titsworth Journeys so far: (1) Steeve Ho You Fat First round: Won 289-51 v (16) Jose Antonio Alcoholado Second round: Won 121-32 v (8) Gregor Fucka Sweet Sixteen: Won 83-22 v (5) Lior Lipshits Ho You Fat is this bracket’s equivalent of Florida. Indisputably a number one, and performing […]
Tomorrow, the Sacramento Kings will sign former LSU Celtics, Blazers, Hornets and Timberwolves big man Chris Johnson. It is not known at this time whether it will be for the remainder of the season, multiple seasons, or a 10 day deal. Johnson has spent this season in China, averaging 20.0 points, 11.2 rebounds and 2.0 blocks in 29 games for Zhejiang Guangsha Lions. The 28 year old is known for his length, athleticism and shot-blocking. With a roster spot already open after the waiving of Jimmer Fredette, and with Orlando Johnson’s 10 day contract having expired, Sacramento has only 14 players under contract and will not need to make a move to accommodate Johnson. EDIT, THE FOLLOWING DAY – Johnson’s signing was cancelled the following day for unknown reasons. The Kings signed Willie Reed instead.
The results are in from the second round, and so it’s Sweet 16 time! (Click here for full size version) THE “WHAT THE HELL?” REGIONAL (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (5) Solomon HorseChief: Vote wisely. Vote HorseChief. Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Solomon HorseChief? (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse v (7) Ruben Boumtje Boumtje: Should Nurse lose points on account of his decision to mostly go by “Ty Nurse”, instead of the full glory that is his name? And with that in mind, does Ruben earn points for embracing the double boom? Typhoon Dusk Nurse or Ruben Boumtje Boumtje? THE “SURNAMES THAT HAD NO CHANCE AT LIFE” REGIONAL (1) Steeve Ho You Fat v (5) Lior Lipshits: Ho You Fat seems unassaible here…… Steeve Ho You Fat or Lior Lipshits? (6) Moran Shitrit v (10) Stanley Titsworth: …..and if someone is going to upset Steeve in this regional, it might have to be the upstart Titsworth, who I underseeded on account of other’s stark insistence that it wasn’t funny, despite knowing full well that it was. Moran Shitrit or Stanley Titsworth? THE “BRILLIANT FIRST NAME CHOICES” REGIONAL (1) Justin-in’Love Smith v (12) Semen Antonov: Big battle here between Love and Semen, a choice no one should ever have to face. Justin-in’Love Smith or Semen Antonov? (3) Spongy Benjamin v (10) Scientific Mapp: Confession time – Mapp nearly didn’t make the bracket at all. Consider it a lesson learned. Spongy Benjamin or Scientific Mapp? THE “COMPOUNDING THE PROBLEM” REGIONAL (1) Gang Wang v (5) Chubby Cox: Again, a choice no one should ever have to face. Gang Wang or Chubby Cox? (3) Karolina Puss v (2) Ebenezer Noonoo: If you were at any point wondering what Noonoo has gotten up to in his professional life since the collegiate playing days from whence his […]
The results are in from the first round, and there were upsets. It’s almost like a proper bracket. (Click here for full size version) In accordance with prophecy, the number one seeds made it through unscathed, Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims and Steeve Ho You Fat putting up dominating performances in securing 85%+ of the votes in their matchups. However, the same can not be said of the #2 seeds, where a 2 v 15 upset went down. It was nearly two – in the Compounding The Problem Regional, the underseeded and underrated Staats Battle almost overcame B.J. Banjo, leading for much of the way before a late rally saw Banjo win in a captivating 50%/49% split of the vote (no word on where the missing percent went), while Galal Cancer comfortably handed it to fellow number #2 seed Patrick Willybiro, a name that Americans presumably do not see the funny side of due to transatlantic slang differences, in the What The Hell? Regional. If transatlantic humour divides lead to upsets, this might be a good thing. With the exception of the Compounding The Problem Regional, where all top eight seeds made it through, there were upsets all throughout the bracket. There were four in the Brilliant First Name Choices Regional alone, not least of which was the comprehensive win of Semen Antonov over Jordair Jett, a man seeded as high as he was due only to the internet’s insistence that his name was really, really great. Once again, then, it is proven that people love Semen. SirValiant Brown was similarly comprehensive in his 4 v 13 upset of the always overrated Deuce Bello, whose close association to a man called Bummy was rightly not overvalued by the voters. And in what to many was the choice tie of the first round, […]
