The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket, Final Four

April 3rd, 2014

[Previously: First round, second round, sweet sixteen, second round, elite eight.]

60 down, four to go.

(Click here for full size version)

As always, these names are completely genuine. If you don’t believe it, Google it.

(1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (1) Gang Wang

Journeys so far:

(1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims

First round: Won 359-40 v (16) Indiana Faithfull
Second round: Won 125-39 v (8) God’sgift Achiuwa
Sweet Sixteen: Won 85-37 v (5) Solomon HorseChief
Elite Eight: Won 40-34 v (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse

The previously unassailable Chief finally hit trouble in the form of Nurse. He won anyway, but the pre-tournament favourite is fallible.

(1) Gang Wang

First round: Won 237-59 v (16) Storm Clonch
Second round: Won 104-41 v (8) Hunter Dick
Sweet Sixteen: Won 59-39 v (5) Chubby Cox
Elite Eight: Won 38-31 v (2) Ebenezer Noonoo

Odd thing is, it’s not that uncommon of a name.

Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Gang Wang?

(1) Steeve Ho You Fat v (10) Scientific Mapp

Journeys so far:

(1) Steeve Ho You Fat

First round: Won 289-51 v (16) Jose Antonio Alcoholado
Second round: Won 121-32 v (8) Gregor Fucka
Sweet Sixteen: Won 83-22 v (5) Lior Lipshits
Elite Eight: Won 50-20 v (10) Stanley Titsworth

Doubts as to the legitimacy of Steeve’s name continue to come in, despite him being a professional player in France for many years. Maybe this assuages it some.

(10) Scientific Mapp

First round: Won 178-134 v (7) God Shammgod
Second round: Won 107-37 v (2) B.J. Banjo
Sweet Sixteen: Won 65-35 v (3) Spongy Benjamin
Elite Eight: Won 55-17 v (1) Just-in-Love Smith

As the bracket’s creator, I take some pride in having had three number one seeds make the final four. That shows, I hope, a reasonable level of perception as to what humour is and from where it comes. However, not only has Scientific Mapp proven to be chronically underseeded, but the truth is, I nearly didn’t put him in at all. In the penultimate seedings draft, he was left out altogether in favour of Courtney van Beest, whose name I liked basically because it had the worst Beest in it. It’s a lesson learned, of course. And that’s why we’re here. To learn. To laugh. To live.

Steeve Ho You Fat or Scientific Mapp?

Voting closes at a ridiculously late hour on Saturday night.